Ma derniere creation

Learning French Language

According to Wikipedia,

“French is the second-most studied foreign language in the world, after English.”

But it is the 17th most spoken language in the world ( by natives). 

First comes: Mandarin,  Spanish, English, Hindi-Urdu, Arabic, Bengali, Portuguese, Russian, Japanese, Punjabi, German, Javanese, Wu (Shanghainese), Merathi, Telugu, Vietnamese and then… French! lol

I wonder what is the use of learning French.  It’s so far from being the most spoken language on the planet…    Have you learned it? Why? I am French but just don’t get it. Why would anyone learn a language if they can’t use it?

I understand it is highly important for a child to learn a different language from an early age. It helps building connections between neurons, and develop the brain-cells.

But it doesn’t explain why so many people choose French…

If you have your idea on the subject I’d love to hear it. Thank you.

“I am respected by everyone because I respect myself”

Happy birthday to you, this power thought is for you.

What do you see?

Happy Drums

” Self understanding is the beginning of my wisdom”

If today is your birthday, this affirmation is for you.

Guit’ Art

 

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If you had such pretty music instruments would you play them? or would you hang them on the wall?

The lady who makes the cigar box guitars was playing one of them today at the market. It actually sounds amazing, some of them only have 3 strings!

Rainbow Candle

Jane Doe

Most people feel embarrassed when they walk in front of your camera. Most of them walk around you, wait or even duck… This lady didn’t.

As I am flicking through the pictures of the day, I pose for a minute, studying this one. It seems this lady actually deliberately walked past my lens and smile. I have 3 pictures of her walking straight into my shooting! She is elegantly looking straight at me, smiling happily, fully confident and beautiful… I don’t usually take pictures of people unless they are approving.  But since this lady played with the camera so willingly, I feel that I owe her the honour: I have to publish this photo.

If you are this gorgeous lady or even know her and think I should remove the post, please let me know. I will right away.

 

Pre-teenager tough time

“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise”

That’s a comment from ” http://squarewheeljockey.com” I find interesting.

Being a pre-teen it’s a tough age. Not yet a teenager and deep down still wanting to be a child,  realising the parents are far from perfect, their body changes, new voice for boys, growing up so quickly is exhausting and makes them clumsy for  a while because they have no time to adapt to their new size, because of that same new size, adults expect them to behave like teenagers or even adults but they’re still children really… without any wisdom, not much knowledge and almost zero experience of life… That’s tough.
Their whole perception of the world around them, their own environment, gets shattered…

Adjustment is long and hard, painful and scary… they need loads of love and patient guidance to come out perfectly healthy and well balanced, happy and appreciative of every one’s’ effort who helped them through…
I’d hate to be 12 again… unless I can go through it with my almost 40  years experience… ha ha … and even that might not be enough to overcome and smooth out the metamorphosis!

Plaisirs d’ Enfance

                      Pics de tomate chocolat-sésame

C’est l’histoire d’une fraise qui fait du cheval.

Tagada, tagada, tagada….

Riding Dog

Riding Dog

” I am respected by everyone because I respect myself”

If today is your birthday, this affirmation is for you.

9 Today! Hip Hip Hurray!!

Today is one of my God children’s birthday.

He is a very special child: very lovable and easy to be drawn to. We live a long way away from each other, be it geographically or emotionally. I don’t know him much. I wish I could get to know him, I’d like to understand his differences, his likings, his views on things and people, his understanding of the world, what he likes doing, where he likes to be or go… We had some special time together a few months back and we were able to make connections, for  few seconds at a time. He is smart, and kind, actually no, he’s not just kind, he is especially very sweet.

The journey he’s taking his parent through is a tough one. I have the utmost respect for both but his mother especially. She has been and is still going through all the dilemmas mums go through, and will still keep going when we won’t have to any more.  Like many mothers she has given herself up, and more, for her children. She is highly inspiring. She is the best mum he could have hoped for.

We often take goodness for granted and sometimes we need to stop and watch the bigger picture, look back and appreciate what others do for us. Everyday. After day. After day… Mothers are amazingly underestimated but I believe this beautiful boy is who he is today because of the guidance of his parents, his mother…

I still remember my first connection with him. We had gone for a walk, just the two of us.  I was surprised his parents encouraged me to take him away by myself. I didn’t know what to expect. They trusted me, they trusted him. I had no idea what I was doing, I was scared. He wasn’t. He didn’t know me, we had seen each other a few times over the years but he had never really met me before. When we walked out, he reached out for my hand. That was it, that was the moment.  My heart melted.

I was told he was a good walker, it was true. Despite his young age he was quite happy to just walk, talk, laugh… I let him choose the way, asking him where to go, left or right? He wasn’t sure so we just kept going where ever his pace was taking us, without thinking… it was very interesting. Soon we  found the dead leaves on the road side were crackling under our weight… it made music… that was it! He glanced at me, like only he can do, and let me in… for a few seconds I felt connected. Music connected us. It seems to play a very important part in his life. We are both melomaniacs.

Today I wish I could be with him just for an hour, to celebrate his 9th birthday with a play of his choice.

Happy birthday Petit Prince!

L’Allaitement

Article trouvé sur :

http://meredouille.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/parce-que-cest-lui-qui-compte-pas-moi/

Parce que c’est lui qui compte ! (pas moi)

Gisèle Bundchen, elle a défrayé la chronique il y a peu. Juste ici.

Comment ne pas réagir à cet article. Ou plutôt comment ne pas réagir aux commentaires engendrés par cet article ?
La Gisèle, elle peut bien dire et faire ce qu’elle veut même si sa position est à mon avis maladroitement exprimée.

Ce qui m’interpelle finalement, ce sont toutes ces réactions. Des coups de gueules, des prises de becs, des clans : les pro-nichons d’un coté, les pro-gallia de l’autre et cette lutte interminable à coups de “moi, j’ai raison et tu as tort”, “moi je suis libre de mes choix et j’assume mon allaitement ou mon non-allaitement”…
De tout ce que j’ai pu lire déci-delà, une intervention m’a profondément touchée. Pleine de vérité.

“(…) La question de l’allaitement va bien au-delà du “choix” (extrêmement égocentrique…) de LA femme: il s’agit d’une question sanitaire pour l’enfant: et de premier ordre quand on découvre régulièrement que l’alimentation industrielle (dont le lait infantile…) est responsable de la multiplication des cancers, dérèglements endocriniens, maladies auto-immunes, j’en passe, et pas des meilleures… On ramène toujours tout à la mère: SA grossesse, SON accouchement, SA maternité, etc: dans tous les débats concernant la relation parents/enfants aujourd’hui, il y a un grand absent: l’enfant…. pensez-y un peu, avant de hurler à la liberté des femmes (ou ne faites pas de gosses alors: Car il est LA, le choix.)”

Elle a su transcrire en quelques mots les raisons qui ont fait que j’allaite mon fils, les raisons qui m’ont fait modifier mon alimentation pendant ma grossesse, pendant les premières semaines d’allaitement, ces raisons qui m’ont fait abandonner mon corps à l’autre, l’espace de quelques mois (années ?), ces raisons qui font que je ne suis plus la priorité depuis que je me suis pissé sur les doigts le 18 juillet 2009 à 7h du matin et que ce fameux trait rose est venu  bousculer le cours de ma vie.
J’ai décidé de faire un enfant, nous avons décidé de faire un enfant et de lui donner le meilleur, avant même la grossesse.
Et lorsque j’ai arrêté mon contraceptif, je savais que je passerai alors au second plan, que je venais de prendre une décision lourde de conséquences, que je m’engageai pour la vie en acceptant de concevoir un être vivant qui n’a rien demandé et qui serait dépendant de nous, de moi.
Avant même d’être enceinte, je me sentais déjà maman, chargée d’une mission d’une importance extrême.

Une fois enceinte, mon corps est devenu un incubateur, une machine à créer la vie. De là, j’ai, naturellement, effectué tous mes choix en fonction du gnome qui poussait dans mon ventre.
Ma mère m’a souvent répété qu’elle n’a jamais croisé de femme enceinte aussi chiante et aussi stricte sur les choix de bouffe ou le lavage des légumes (non immunisée toxo), la non-consommation d’alcool, etc.
Je continue de prendre ça comme un compliment.

Lorsque tu décides de procréer, tu ne peux pas l’envisager à la légère, fumer, boire, manger des sushis ou du saucisson.
Malgré les aléas de la vie, les choix que nous faisons sont normalement dictés par le bon sens et notre priorité reste de faire du mieux que nous le pouvons pour ce petit être.
Dans cette optique, l’allaitement est donc une évidence.

Avant d’être enceinte, j’ignorais la composition des laits artificiels à l’huile de palme ou des petits pots aux maltodextrines. J’ignorais ce qu’était une maltodextrine (merci maman de m’avoir éclairée).
Mais quand t’es en cloque, que t’es confinée chez toi à t’abrutir devant les maternelles dès 9h du mat’, t’as un peu de temps à perdre sur le net entre deux choix de layette pour te renseigner sur la future alimentation de ta descendance.
Et là, c’est l’hallu totale.
Seule avec mes chats, empêtrée dans mon canapé, le laptop au bout des doigts, que découvrais-je, naïve primi que j’étais : le lobbying de l’alimentation des tout-petits.
Gallia, Guigoz, Nidal, Modilac, Novalac, Bledina – pour ne citer qu’eux -  sont en réalité inadaptés à l’alimentation des tout-petits mais pire, ils contiennent de véritables poisons.

De là, j’ai découvert des marques en marge de la grande distribution comme HIPP, Babybio, Evernat (les deux premiers sont maintenant distribués en grandes surfaces, Casino pour HIPP et Leclerc pour Babybio).

J’ai surtout été confortée dans ma décision d’allaiter mon fils et j’ai pris la décision de lui préparer – le plus souvent possible – sa bouffe une fois diversifié.

Cela fait-il de moi une mamuniste en devenir (ou déjà établie, qui sait !) ? Peut-etre aux yeux de certains. A mes yeux, ça fait simplement de moi une maman.
Une maman, ça apprend à son petit ce qui est bien, ce qui est mal, ça joue, ça rigole, c’est sérieux quand il le faut, ça fait des bisous, ça cajole, ça console, ça rassure, ça protège. Une maman PROTÈGE son petit.

Quand on t’explique que telle ou telle chose est néfaste pour ta progéniture, tu t’en éloignes. C’est l’instinct.
Que nos mères nous aient gavés de Gallia-caca est une chose, elles n’avaient pas accès aux informations et aux diverses études scientifiques auxquelles nous avons accès aujourd’hui.
Qu’une maman choisisse aujourd’hui, en toute connaissance de cause, de donner à son tout du Guigoz-o-Prout est, par contre, ahurissant.
De donner à son enfant des choses néfastes, à répétition et dès la naissance, je ne le comprends pas.

Je conclurai en vous incitant à aller lire cet article dont la métaphore est extrêmement bien trouvée et en rappelant aux parents que selon l’Organisation Mondiale de la Santé, pour nourrir nos enfants le lait artificiel n’est à considérer qu’en dernier recours après :

1/ l’allaitement ;
2/ le lait de la mère exprimé et donné à l’enfant autrement qu’au sein ;
3/ le lait d’une autre maman ; et
4/ la nourriture artificielle

Why I run...

Reblogged from The Adventures of Mona:

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I don’t run for medals. I don’t run for racing shirts or fancy gear. I don’t run for PRs. I don’t run for weight loss. I don’t run for popularity or recognition.  I don’t even run for fitness. I’ll tell you why I do run though…

I run because there is no sweeter taste than that of fresh air

I run because nature paints colors that beat out any 3D movie or HDR photo…

Read more… 136 more words

Running feels liberating to me...

Messing Up With Technology

You know how when you talk with your best friend you have no fear of judgement.  You let it all out without thinking:  being too selfish, arrogant, stupid, not good enough, silly, unfair, irrational, overreacting, too fat or else… you know the long list of things that would make you feel ashamed for a life time if anyone else knew! You just say it all,  knowing you will still be loved or accepted as you are…

Well a few years back , that’s what I did in a very private email addressed to my best friend. Revealing my secrets was easy for I knew how it would be received… but months later, I heard from my parents that one of their friends made a comment about my private life: “Well, I received this email about how this or that.. blablabla… maybe she shouldn’t send me this sort of stuff?” . Whoops…  he was right!! I was fairly new to this technology and thought I’d better be more careful with it all. I was lucky, no harm was done. Except for making myself look silly to him, but he knew that already. lol.  I deleted him straight away from my address book and promised myself to be more careful next time! He never mentioned anything to me! We’re still friends today.  Embarrassing but harmless mess that one! lol

Until…

Another time… As I was emailing and texting at the same time with my best friend and other friends and family, you know like when we email and text at the same time and are actually having 3 conversations at once on top of dinner cooking and the children interrupting every second minute… I accidentally sent the wrong text to the whole of my closest friends and family! It was supposed to reach my best friend!  Private joke. Not really appropriate for others to read. That mix-up was embarrassing enough for me to dig my head in the ground for years.

To this day, I am still not sure what they thought of it and rather not know. I don’t want to think about how some of them could have interpreted the isolated comment… You know how you go on with your best friend.. and when one sentence  doesn’t mean what you want it to mean out of its context!! Well, it was that sort of thing… No one mentioned anything except for one of my really close cousin, who knows me enough to understand my distracted ways. Straight away he realised this could not possibly have been addressed to him and texted me back with some funny line!!! lol… At least one of them had humour!

Until…

One of my latest major “hitch” was only last week! I was emailing a lady who I would like to call my friend (Ace) and was repeating the words that someone (called “X”) told me about “the daughter” of  “Mum”. They had been put in the same team and I thought it was going to be interesting to observe the interactions between the daughter and “X” ( It was a good opportunity for “X” to work her feelings for the daughter.) I need to mention that despite those feeling these 2 persons had been interacting peacefully in the same group for many years now. There has never been anything detectable, and to this we still wouldn’t know about “X” ‘s feeling for the daughter if it had not been for what’s following.

All of these confidences were in pure trust and not thinking that “Mum” could actually take it the wrong way if she knew… Well, you kind of guessed what happened.  Along with my email was a document that our group of people could use for their own benefit. I asked “Ace” if the group could find it good enough.  She seemed happy with it and decided to forward it, forgetting that all our previous emails were attached to it!!! The whole group was able to read the thoughts that had been going on about “the daughter” !!! Nothing too bad had been said of course, but “Mum” really took it to a first degree and was highly offended. “Ace” was so apologetic for a mistake I do all the time. “Mum” still doesn’t want to be part of our group any more, probably because she told her daughter, and sent me a couple of insulting emails.

I still don’t see what the harm is in saying that someone doesn’t l like someone. But I understand that the group knowing about it could be embarrassing for the mother… maybe…

…   /   …

Another time, a friend called me after 9pm one night. She doesn’t usually do that. I was quite alarmed. She had a very serious and stern voice and asked me if I had recently emailed her any attachment.  The problem was serious because I  had not and she knew that it could obviously  not have come from me. She explained to me what she had been receiving from my email box for the past few weeks. She explained to me that some hacker must have got into my mailbox and thought it was best to tell me. My mind was spinning with worry. Some children are in my address book what if they also read those? She started to worry too as her daughter is one of those children. We quickly hung up and she checked her daughter’s emails (no trace of the suspicious emails) while I emailed everybody to check their children’s mail-box. I also asked everyone to delete me as the contact they know and to never ever open a mail coming form this address. I created a new email address and all was good again. Apparently not all my contacts had received these very disturbing attachments and no children was harmed on the way. pphewww….  But what a freight! I am so grateful she told me. No one else did!!! That friend and I had a good giggle when all was over, thinking about the face some people must have pulled:   my daughters teachers, my ex-boss, my grand-parents or even some long time family friends… Embarrassing and worrying but in the end, quite a good joke. It also helped me clear up my mailbox by starting a new one from scratch!

…   /   …

These four were  my most embarrassing mistakes with technology, there’s been many more like the one on the way to learning how to use technology. Last night  for example:

I was sending a mail out talking about my children’s academic successes,  you know how mothers can be proudly irrational and irrationally proud when talking about their own children? Well … a really good friend of mine, (the same one as above actually!) , who I had not sent the mail to,  replied to me with a really kind and sweet mail, congratulating the girls and me for the success. Even though the whole email I had sent was typed in French (for my family) she was able to gather the main idea. She was genuinely happy for me and for the girls. That hiccup, was a good one! I knew that friend was a good friend and that she wouldn’t think that I am just boasting or showing off my children’s results. She’s in the same boat and understands motherhood how I see it today. So, that mistake wasn’t such a bad one after all, it turned out pretty sweet. I checked quickly in my sent emails to see who else had received it and wasn’t suppose to!She had been the only one. There must be some contacts that are close to each other in my list and occasionally I probably email the wrong person. Which, now that I think about it,  would explain the blanc look on some faces when I mention certain things or even the lack of replies…   lol

I wonder how many more times it’s happened and people said nothing about it, and how many more times I will send the wrong thing to the wrong person…

Air mail never had this sort of problem. And before mobile phones, we just had to meet the people in person before we could communicate with them, again, no mistake could be done… but today in just one little touch, you can make so much damage…

I am sure there will be plenty more to come! lol Hopefully no one will get hurt on the way.

…   /   …

If you also have put yourself in a very embarrassing posture, please share it here by dropping a comment, it will make us feel better!

How to Make a Baby

how-to-make-a-baby-1667548

Carte De Prédiction Du Sexe De L’Enfant

Article trouvé sur Chine Nouvelle.

Lors d’une fouille récente d’une ancienne tombe royale, un archéologue chinois sortit de terre un étrange document. Ce féru d’astrologie sentant l’extraordinaire de sa découverte, le ramena dans son laboratoire afin de mieux l’étudier.

Un beau matin, après de longs mois d’efforts, de sueur et de solitude, notre chercheur en perça enfin le secret. Ce qu’il avait, dépliée sous ses yeux et rédigée il y a plus de 700 ans par d’illustres ancêtres, n’était autre que la fameuse «carte de prédiction du sexe de l’enfant». D’une exactitude déconcertante La carte est actuellement conservée en sécurité à l’«Institut des Sciences de Pékin».

La validité des prédictions a été vérifiée depuis, sur des milliers de personnes, avec un taux de succès frôlant les 50%.

De cette découverte hors du commun, nous avons conçu un outil pas comme les autres.  Cependant, l’équipe de Chine Nouvelle décline toute responsabilité en cas d’erreur. Les bébés ne seront ni repris, ni échangés.

Avec tout le respect que je dois a ce document je ne peux m’empêcher de trouver particulièrement  amusant le coup  du “taux de succès de 50%” … 

Adaptable

Life changes all the time:  the environment, the weather and people change their minds constantly. In order to survive happily, as far as you can go in History,  human beings have become highly resilient to the always variable conditions of living. Today, the fast pace of the world around us had pushed us to be even more flexible.

Looking back at my life, I see an on going pattern: my life is constantly testing my adaptability skills.

When I was younger and studied to become a hair dresser, I was able to do my 3 year course in 1 year. The down side of that short cut was that when the exam day came I had almost no models to do hair styles on or haircuts, perms and colours! Everybody else had been working on the same friend or family member for 3 years. My family was 500kms away from the capital and building my model capital wasn’t my priority back then.  All my peers knew what they were doing… Out of the 5 models I needed for the big day, I only had 2.

On the morning of the exam, one phone call: cancellation of my only male model. That should have taught me a lesson by the way!! lol.

Really … that was an absolute sure bet that this day was turning into a tremendous disaster!! lol.  I never lost heart though, and gave it my best shot: I drove more than an hour to get there and I still turned up, full of hopes.

I had to find a way. Rather quickly for the exam was starting at 8am that day!

1)      The first “test” was easy because I had a model! Someone from my far blood related family travelled from the other side of Paris to lend me her head so I could perform a perm on her. I had never worked on her head. She said the result was a bit curlier than usually but was very happy with my job. And at the time, that’s all I needed to hear to make my day.  She had been so generous with her time I will be forever thankful.

2)      The next one was a woman’s hair cut. Which had to be transformed in a medieval hair-do for the second part of that test.              gloups…    (heavy swallowing)… here I am …  no model. The infernal chaos is starting, run for your life people , I need hair!!!

I went to speak to the judges (which was a disqualifying mistake, like in any exam, you are not to talk to anyone at all.  I knew that. But since I had nothing more to lose, I simply tried anyway.) They told me to go down in the street and fetch some “head”…

…   /   …

Lucky me, eventually a young girl gave in! Her hair was as thick as a horse’s tail and probably also as long, for it was reaching her bottom! The challenge was getting more and more interesting! lol. If there are hair dressers out there, you’ll know what I am talking about. Up we climbed the stairs, 4 by 4, walked in quietly where the “surveillance people”  guided us to my station. The task had started 15 mns ago, I had to catch up, only 30mns left. Talking to the model was also a disqualifying act of course, but I had to ask her what she wanted, it was her hair after all. And what hair… wow… length, volume and health, she had it all!  Simply beautiful…  Since all was lost except for my eternal positivism, we only went for a light 2cms trim in one straight line! I didn’t have the heart to do a proper hair cut for the sake of some exam. She was thrilled! lol. I don’t think the judges were very impressed with that but exam 2 was ticked off!! And in time too!! Easy peasy… By then, I am starting to enjoy the challenge! This is kind of fun!

3)     Well I had a ball for that one!!! I had so much hair to play with, it wasn’t funny! So looooong and soooo heavy… and no hair spray (either because I was broke or because I had forgotten it or even worse, the can was reaching its end!! lol. My luck hey… lol). That was tough but since she had the perfect outfit and face, beautiful clean hair, in such a healthy state, the result was an absolute miracle! To this day, I am amazed that it actually held until the judges walked around to give us the required points for our test and become an accomplished hair dresser! She walked away, her head proudly high up like a queen, with a beautiful hairstyle. I never saw her again but surely she had never had 2 hours so entertaining in her life!! lol

4) Round 4: Man’s hair cut. Oups… Where’s my model????!!! Oh year… that’s right , I don’t have that one either… lol. I can feel the adrenaline levels escalating again…Ok, back down the streets I guess. I don’t need the approval of the judges any more, they know me now, I am quiet, respectful, cool and happy, polite and controlled, they just trust me to do whatever I need to do. They have realised I am different from the rest of the students and I think they were enjoying the show to much to stop me! lol . Took me longer to find someone but eventually he ran up the stairs with me. I showed him the 3 pictures available, he picked one, (remember that no one is to talk to anyone). I had 10mns left out of 45. And then, one of the judges came out of their office, walked towards me and told me: “The next exam (woman’s hair cut) is part of this one,  you can combine both times to cover both haircuts.” No one in the room knew nor paid attention to who had just walked in, but I did. That’s when I thought I must have done pretty well so far because they were actually giving me a chance! I had a chance! My other fellow students had started their next model already and I was still working on that kind man’s hair… I worked fast and focused, then quickly thanked him and said goodbye to my model, running down the street that had been so good to me so far.

5)     As I am walking through the crowd of children in the school I realized it was afternoon recess time. Yay!!!! I had had no lunch break and nothing to eat or drink since 6am in the morning when I left my studio.  So many heads to choose from!!! My head was spinning from ecstasy! lol Would my luck stick with me and let me take one crazy soul along with me for the last draw?

Believe it or not, a young 14 year old trusted me enough to skip the afternoon class and miss her bus for a free haircut. No Mobile phones back then, she couldn’t call her mom. I assured her I’d drive her home. The deal was done! Once again I ran up the 2 storeys into our exam room. Everybody was working steadily, almost finished, adding the last details to their master pieces, and getting ready for the last part: blow-drying, shaping the style. We walked rapidly through the chairs and settled in my empty space. 3 pictures on the table.  As usual, still risking to be disqualified for talking, I gave first choice to my model and here we go…  I finished on time, blow dry and all. I roughly remember this young 14 year old girl, she was really cool. We left the room together, we talked about each other’s lives and experiences as I drove her back home, somewhere in what seemed the south of France!! It was so far, in the beautiful countryside of the outskirts of Paris, somewhere so refreshing. Her mother was quite happy as far as I can remember. Thinking back at it, she was under 18, had missed school and ran away with a stranger in a car… I could have been in so much trouble… but those were the days… we’re in 1994…

A few weeks later, the exam results were published on the board at school. That was a great occasion to take a day off ; I didn’t turn up. I had had a great experience, an absolute ball, it was so entertaining, so much fun, people were so respectful of me, kind and generous but since I had blown all the rules, my chances had sort of melted in my hands to a non existent state. I thought I’d rather keep it as a good memory. I had learned so much that day. My usually quite reserved and shy nature came out of its shell, and I realized that when needed I had the potential to explode and find resources I had never suspected in me. What an achievement! I wasn’t too sure how I was going to explain that to my parents back home but hey… lol!!!    I wouldn’t give up that day on my life for anything today.

So here I am, home, in my little studio, when the phone rings. It’s the top of-the-class girl. I pull the wire to the bed and sit, (the phones back then were still attached to the base but lucky me, my studio was small enough for the wire to go anywhere around it!lol). And then, I hear my red head friend’ voice yell:

” you’ve got it!! You passed!!!!”.

Today, I am so glad I was seated on the bed! I was so confused that I asked her if she was sure. The choir behind her was echoing :”yes you did , we all saw it!”.  All my friends are there, gathered around the phone booth, in front of the school. I can’t believe it!

They all checked the board, looking for their names. I hear such and such got it and such and such didn’t… so much excitement and effervescence in their voices. The phone sounds like a swarm… In the quiet of my comfy “home”, I am happy genuinely for them.

-”What about you? How many points did you get? Surely you got the best results”. She was the best in the class, very pro, very hairdresser like, a kind and steady friend, hard working too, pretty and smart too…

Silence for a while. One of the longest in my whole life.

Gloups… I would have eaten my hat…

-”No…   I didn’t make it”

I was devastated. How unfair was that? Out of all of us she really deserved to own her hairdressing salon, she would have been so good, she was made for it, but didn’t cut it that day…

 

7 trucs pour arrêter de râler sur vos enfants

Un article de Christine @:

http://jarretederaler.com/2012/04/17/7-trucs-pour-arreter-de-raler-sur-vos-enfants/

En tant que parents nous avons tous nos moments de crise. On se retrouve à préparer le dîner, aider l’aîné avec ses devoirs et en même temps gérer le petit dernier qui pleure car il veut qu’on lui lise une histoire ” tout de suite”. Parfois, soyons francs, c’est vraiment dur dur de garder son calme !  Voici dans cet article les meilleurs conseils que j’ai pu recevoir et mettre en pratique pour ne pas péter les plombs dans ma carrière de maman débutante.

1.Respirer et parler tout bas

Le première chose à faire pour faire tomber la pression de la cocotte minute prête a exploser est de respirer ! Prenez 3 grandes respirations en inspirant par le nez et en expirant par la bouche. Cela vous permettra déjà de vous calmer un peu et aussi de montrer à vos enfants que vous êtes en train de gérer la pression que vous ressentez.

Ensuite si  mon enfant est agité, énervé et qu’il crie, je me mets à parler tout bas pour essayer de comprendre ce qui se passe. Si je crie moi aussi je ne fais qu’empirer les choses. Comme je parle assez bas ( pas trop non plus) mon enfant est obligé de se calmer pour pouvoir entendre ce que je dis.

J’ai vu une maîtresse ( dans l’école Steiner de mes enfants) faire cela dans une classe de 20 enfants et c’est magique.

2. M’asseoir par terre

Quand mon enfant m’énerve le plus. Quand je n’en peux plus, qu’il pousse mes limites et que je sens que je vais crier, j’applique un conseil qui m’a été donné par la directrice de la maternelle de mes enfants. Elle me disait ” quand tu a le plus envie de fuir ton enfant cela veut dire qu’il faut que tu le prennes dans tes bras”. Alors  je laisse tout tomber, je  m’assoie par terre ( à son niveau) et je  demande si il a envie d’un calin. Mon expérience est que au bout de 5 minutes tout  rentre dans l’ordre. Le réservoir affectif de mon enfant est rempli et il arrête de chercher à attirer mon attention. Je peux reprendre ce que j’étais en train de faire.

3. Allez faire une pause pipi ( même si vous n’en avez pas besoin)

Souvent dans les moments de crise on a tendance à” réagir” sous la pression et plutôt que d’être vraiment dans le choix de ce que on veut faire ” on explose”. On m’a conseillé, j’ai essayé et ça marche d’aller faire une pause pipi (ou de me retirer dans une autre pièce pour 2 minutes). Cela me demande suffisamment de temps pour prendre du recul et choisir qui je veux être et comment je veux gérer la situation. Souvent quand on crie on le fait surtout parce que on se retrouve face à nos propres peurs de ne pas être un bon parent. On est perdu, on doute sur notre éducation et du coup on réagit d’une manière disproportionnée.  Sortir de la pièce permet de prendre du recul, de se retrouver et de choisir comment on veut gérer la situation. Évidemment il faut vous assurer que l’enfant ou les enfants sont en sécurité avant de sortir de la pièce.

4. Chanter

Quand je sens que la pression monte et que nous approchons de la goutte qui va faire déborder le vase, j’ai plusieurs fois commencé à chanter ! En général les enfants sont surpris et cela me permet de me ventiler sans crier sur eux ( quand je cris je le regrette toujours)

5. Faire le miroir

Quand mon enfant tape du pied car il veut un bonbon ” tout de suite” ! et qu’il répète, répète, répète son envie en espérant que je cède, j’ai parfois envie de lui crier ” Arrête, tais toi, tu me casses les oreilles !”. Mais je sais que cela ne marchera pas (à moins que je ne le menace de violence mais ce n’est pas la manière dont je veux élever mes enfants). Je  choisis alors  parfois de jouer le miroir et je reflète son attitude pour lui montrer que je comprend et que je connecte avec sa frustration. Je tape du pied et je dis ” tu veux un bonbon tout de suite”,” Tu a vraiment envie d’un bonbon et ça t’énerve parce que maman te dit non” ” toi tu n’en a rien a faire que ce soit bientôt le dîner tu veux un bonbon tout de suite” ” les bonbons c’est trop bon et toi tu en veux un”.

Je remarque que rien que le fait de se sentir entendu satisfait une grande partie de son envie et il est alors plus près de lâcher prise. Parfois on va même jusqu’à manger des bonbons imaginaires. On invente les meilleurs bonbons de la terre !

6. S il pouvait il pourrait

Quand j’ai envie de crier sur mon enfant parce qu’ il ne range pas sa chambre ou ne pratique pas son piano. Je prend parfois du recul et je replace ma confiance en lui. Je me dis ” Si il pouvait il pourrait”. En général mon enfant a envie de me faire plaisir et de bien faire  alors qu’est-ce qui l’empêche de faire ce que je lui demande ? Peut-être que sa chambre est vraiment trop en bazar et il se sent complètement dépassé. Je peux alors trouver un accord pour que nous le fassions ensemble ( il range ce qui est par terre et je l’aide avec son bureau). Ou bien parfois aussi il ne fait pas parce que il n’a pas compris quelque chose ( il bloque sur un passage de sa partition de piano et il se décourage) ou bien il ne fait pas parce que selon lui il a déjà trop à faire et il ne peut pas tout faire. Je l’aide alors à organiser ses taches pour que tout soit faisable.

Quand mon enfant peut en général il  fait ce que je lui demande.

7.  Le test de la barrière

Quand mon enfant dépasse les limites dans son comportement. Qu’il me fasse une crise à la caisse du magasin pour que j’achète des chewing-gums  ou qu’il me défie avec un propos virulent,  je me souviens d’un conseil reçu de ma maman.  Les enfants ont besoin de se sentir en sécurité et de savoir qu’on est capable de poser un cadre solide autour d’eux pour les protéger de ce monde qu’ils ne maîtrisent pas. Un peu comme une barrière de balcon qui protège et empêche de tomber dans le vide. Régulièrement mon enfant va venir tester si la barrière est solide. A moi de lui prouver que c’est le cas. Si je crie et je m’énerve je créé l’effet inverse et provoque chez lui un sentiment d’angoisse et de peur. Donc je pose fermement la limite et je ne décroche pas de mon cadre. Il en a besoin pour être rassuré.

J’espère que ces 7 trucs vont vous aider. Je suis aussi certaine que vous avez vous aussi testé et trouvé des trucs qui marchent pour vivre plus sereinement votre parentalité ! S’il vous plaît utilisez ce blog pour les partager avec les lecteurs !

Si cet article vous a plus merci de le partager.

Love and Respect,

Christine
J’adore cette approche.
C’est aussi ce que j’essaie d’appliquer a la maison depuis des années. Cela prend forme. Il faut dire que la culture Française n’est pas très positive quand il s’agit d’ éducation!! Je vis en Australie et je dois dire que les gamines de 10ans ici savent déjà beaucoup mieux que moi comment s’ adresser a un enfant difficile. Cela semble inné. Je suis donc au bon endroit et malgré cela je rencontre de nombreuses difficultés. Donc voila, c’était juste un petit mot pour mes acolytes mères, soyez confiante, tout arrive a qui sait attendre, c’est sûrement plus difficile en France qu’ailleurs mais moi, je vous conseille de contaminer vos copines et votre mari et de rester dans cet environnement “safe” ou le moindre écart sera note par l’une ou l’autre de vos amies. L’environnement joue un rôle capital en matière d’éducation. Même si on est extrêmement motivée, “chasse le naturel il revient au galop” au moindre sursaut de stress chacun se retranche dans ce qu’il connaît: râler, crier, exprimer vivement son mécontentement d’ une manière ou d’une autre…. Alors isolez vous parmi un groupe de personne qui pensent comme vous et qui prennent ce sujet au sérieux. Mes enfants de 9 et 10 ans aujourd’hui ont été élevées dans un monde dénué de violence. La violence engendre la violence, elle n’enseigne rien d’ autre que la violence.J’ai du faire le ménage dans mes relations pour construire cet environnement. Aujourd’hui je regarde mes sacrifices et me félicite de mes décisions. Mes enfants sont ma plus grande réussite, mais cela a pris 10ans pour que je vois enfin le resultat.

En fait, il nous faut recalibrer notre façon de penser. C’est aussi simple que cela!!

Avec une dose d’ amour suffisante pour durer une vie entière pour nos enfants, tout est possible. Il faut juste garder l’amour en mémoire. Ou bien aller le repêcher au fond de notre cœur, se mettre un peu plus dans la peau de l’enfant, apprendre a le connaître mieux pour mieux interpréter correctement  ses actions ( ou non actions).  Respirer est le premier conseil. C’est le meilleur conseil qu’on ne m’ait jamais donne il y a 8ans:

-”Respire et observe, attend un peu, et tu verras ce qui va se passer”.

-”Tu veux dire qu’elle va faire ce qu’il faut? qu’elle sait?”

-”Non. Pas forcement.”

Je n’ai pas tout compris ce jour la, mais j’ai suivi le conseil en me disant que je ne risquais rien. Des années plus tard, je prend le temps de respirer sans même y penser. j’observe mon mari ou d’ autres personnes autour de moi avec compassion. Ils ne savent pas, on ne leur a pas enseigner, ils n ont pas appris… la vie est si dure pour eux car ils ne comprennent pas

Nous sommes la pour les guider mais jamais nous ne leur dirons qui être et comment être. Ça, c’est a eux de le trouver eux même. Je me suis attachée a ces règles du mieux que j’ai pu. Mais nous somme tous humains, me direz vous, et chacun a ses limites, il faut donc savoir accepter nos faiblesses pour pouvoir bouger en avant et construire l’exemple que nous voulons modeler pour nos enfants. J’ai trébuche souvent (surtout en période critique dans le cycle féminin !! lol) puis de moins en moins…

Soyez persistante et patientes, très patientes car la transition est looooongue. Un petit pas chaque jour est un énorme point de gagne. Si j’y suis arrive, vous pouvez le faire aussi.

Courage les filles!